Before her tragic death, Nicole John lived a life full of drinking, pills, partying

Nicole John (r.), the daughter of a U.S. diplomat, fell to her death after climbing out on a window ledge after she'd been drinking. Her blog details a hectic life of booze, partying and pills.

Nicole John lived the life of a wild child obsessed with booze, pills and partying until she blacked out.

In a blog filled with boasts about her benders and dark musings about loneliness, the tragic teen daughter of a U.S. diplomat described the turbulent last three months of her life.

She took limos to clubs and gallivanted on exotic beaches.

The one constant, her blog reveals, was liquor.

"Whaaaaaat a f----n' EPIC weekend. Intoxication for about 40 hours straight" she wrote two weeks ago.

"Vodka/redbulls + long island ice teas + ambiens + xanax = om nom nom (delicious)," she wrote in May.

In the end, her love of alcohol led to her demise.

The 5-foot-8 beauty with almond-shaped eyes died after a night of partying when she fell from the ledge of a midtown apartment.

In some parts, her blog reads like that of a typical angst-ridden teenage girl. She frets about growing apart from a close friend and describes as her loves: art, reading, shopping and "really high heels." She talks about her fondness for fashion, photography and drawing and films.

She slept with a pink elephant doll named Crinkly.

But it's also frighteningly dark, with sections devoted to a depression that at times consumed her.

"If I had the choice right now, I wouldn't take the next breath," John wrote in May. "The people I care about most find it so easy to leave me . . . I'm hurt so deep that I no longer see the purpose."

This summer, she vacationed at Koh Samui, a famed Thai hotspot, and partied at swanky Manhattan clubs as she flitted between the two countries.

"So I was down in the slumps, in the pits. But now I popped two Xanax's so I'm goooooood to go," she wrote three months ago. "Three cheers for medication!"

Later in the month, she describes popping two Xanaxes and going for sushi with pals.

"For future reference: xanax and vodka do not mix," she wrote.

In one photo, John purses her lips - a glass of champagne in hand - as she embraces a pretty pal in a New York nightclub.

Another picture shows her in a sleeveless blue dress, beaming from behind a table full of drinks.

John's blog shows her to be a deep thinker and talented writer. She quotes poet Sylvia Plath and philosopher Thomas Hobbes.

"I guess Thomas Hobbes is right, people are naturally selfish," John wrote in May. "I'm grasping for a helping hand but they've all withdrawn."

In one section, she recalls a particularly wild weekend spent in Washington in July.

"Friday night went to a house party and played beer pong, etc., got shwasted/cross-faded . . .

"Saturdayyy went clubbing which was awesome getting VIP treatment, up until the part where I'm trying to hail a cab at 3 am, really really drunk, and these three ghetto black people passing snatch my new iPhone 4."

She describes spending the next two hours with cops trying to "figure out where the house was."

"Aside from getting robbed, it was a goooood weekend," John wrote. "Eventful, to say the least."

She couldn't wait for her new life in New York.

"Oh New York City, how I've dreamt of you since I was little. One more month and you're all mine," she wrote in May.

One photo depicted a beautiful young woman flying on a swing over the cityscape, and she wrote underneath it: "I want to do this."

In a tragic foreshadowing of her death, John referenced a Kurt Vonnegut quote.

"I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over," she posted on her blog. "Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center."

Source: http://www.nydailynews.com/ny_local/2010/08/28/2010-08-28_i_want_to_stay_as_close_to_the_edge_as_i_can.html?ref=nf#ixzz11dnPFtOw